Accepting What I Can Change-- My Power TO LOVE

Today I need a little therapy.  Life feels crazy, busy, stressful and my attitude is taking a nose dive.  So here is my confession...

"Hi, My name is Erica.  I am a control freak!"

Right now my kids are laughing hysterically.  Mom a control freak?  I NEVER KNEW!!!  (note their sarcasm)  Somehow I have convinced myself that if I work hard enough at                    it will                (fill in the blanks).   Somehow I think that results will be in proportion to the effort I make.

If I quiz my kids enough in spelling, they will become spelling champions, or at least not fail the test.  If I cook for hours to make a dinner, my family will show appreciation.  If I exercise my body hard enough and eat perfectly, I will look like Reese Witherspoon.

Reality check.  I can only control my actions and not how anybody (including my own BODY) responds to them.  I can control how I care for my children, not the skills they develop.  I can control how I cook for my family, not what they will eat.  I can only control how I care for my body, not how my body responds to that care.

I can do pushups and tricep dips all day long, but I can not compel my arms to be as toned as Michelle Obama's.  I can do 1000 crunches a day, but I can not force my stretched stomach skin to disappear.  I can live off 1200 calories a day, but I can not make my fingers longer and more slender.

Maybe my problem is judging, labeling and condemning myself and others-- Believing that it/they/I  SHOULD change.  Believing that I am powerful enough to change EVERYTHING through my effort.    Sounds like PRIDE.

And Pride's antithesis?  LOVE.  Not just any love... As a brilliant friend would say,

Love*without fine print

photo credit: Miriam Cardoso de Souza via photopin cc

Reality Check #2 ...
I can control how I LOVE my children, AND LOVE them with skills they develop or don't develop.  I can show my LOVE for my family by cooking, and LOVE them whether they eat or not.  I can only LOVE body.

I can LOVE pushups and tricep dips all day long, and love strength to do work with my arms.  I can LOVE my 1000 crunches a day, and LOVE the evidence of carrying 4 babes in utero.  I can LOVE my 1200 calories a day, AND LOVE the genetic heritage of short hands.
 
I can LOVE!

Take a Flying Leap

I'm not really a magazine reader-- except in doctor's offices.  Why? Once I got a subscription to a favorite magazine.  Shortly there after my kids got crazy sick and we spent TOO much time in a doctor's office and the hospital.  I was so disheartened that I had already read the magazines available.  So now I limit my magazine reading to the orthodontist/doctor/dentist's offices.  That said, my girlfriend sent me home one day with a recent "O," Oprah's magazine, because it had an awesome green drink recipe in it (and here is the link to that recipe-- I knew you'd ask).  I read the recipe, flipped the page and saw this article.  It impressed me and I had to share.

Martha Beck wrote the article "Take a Flying Leap" where she discussed fear based decisions.  The decision to eat veggies to avoid cancer; to keep a weed free yard so our neighbors won't complain; to throw a huge party for a child so they will like us and think we are awesome; put make-up on so we won't scare the ladies at church with our wrinkles.  You know all those things we do becasue we are afraid of rejection, failure, poverty, or looking stupid.  Have you ever wondered why you never feel joyous and free and extatic about those decisions?  Martha explains,

"Fear based decisions lead to hollow victories at best and endless regret at worst.  Only love based decisions create lasting happiness." [emphesis added]

Beck explains that love based decisions are the choices you would make if you had no fear; people wouldn't laugh at you, kids wouldn't complain; husband would applaud; you would celebrate.

That got me thinking.  What would I do differently if I didn't factor in the judgments of others?  Would I eat chocolate everyday and not worry about my waistline?  Would I grind wheat and make homemade bread if I knew my kids wouldn't complain?  What would my life be like if I lived in love instead of fear?
How would your life change?

Martha Beck envisioned a change and leaped.  She bought a house in California's mountains and flies where she needs for her work.  She took a leap of faith and made a choice despite her fears.  Beck says, "leaps of faith are frightening even when the choice to make them is based on love."

My ahahh moment?  If I feed and nourish my body becasue I love and cherish it, I feel better!  I see more success.  Beck explained,

"love based decisions have one more quality their fear based counterparts lack: They are enduring."

 If I'm looking to change my life-- create a real lifestyle change, it will only come with love.  So go on.  Do your hair and make up because you love the way you look.  Eat healthfully becasue your body is a treasured posession.  Give up weeding if you just don't care.  Live your life with love--

Take A Leap!

Photo Credit: . : : v i S H a l : : . via photopin cc

You can find Martha Beck's book Finding Your Way in A New World here.
Martha Beck's article "Take a Flying Leap" was featured in O The Oprah Magazine, January 2013; pp43-49