Sweet Surrender

My not so little one anymore had a meltdown today.  The dilemma?  The lego the little one wanted was being used in another child's creation.  The meltdown began with crying and expressing frustration.  When an acceptable negotiated treaty could not be concluded, screaming commenced.  Visits to bedrooms for time outs only seemed to escalate the mood to hitting, kicking and general lashing out.  With property and personal safety in jeopardy, I scooped the little one up and held him/her close, rocking back and forth, humming a little song, hoping that the tune might help refocus her/his mind on something besides her/his anger.  Many minutes and songs later I could feel the little one's body relax as he/she began to hum and sing along.  Within a minute s/he was happily preparing for school, eating breakfast and rejoining general life.

What made the change?  Surrender to the reality of the situation.  Holding my little one today, I saw myself in my Heavenly Father's arms fighting the reality of life.  My stresses, my anger, my frustration at things or people not behaving the way I WANTED THEM TO!!!  Fighting the existence of problems in my "Happily Ever After," wishing and waiting for EVERYONE ELSE to GET THEIR ACT TOGETHER!!!  so I could be happy and have everything the way I want it to be-- the way it ought to be!

Isn't that what frustration is all about --  our inability to control our environment, ourselves and others.  Oprah taught,

"All stress comes from resisting what is." 

We spend our energy fighting with the reality of life around us instead of accepting reality for what it really is.  My little one wasted 40 minutes of her/his morning worrying, stressing and being angry about something s/he could not control.  How much of my life have I wasted stressing about something I can not control?

I am learning that the pathway to peace is not found in controlling, harnessing or even powering through my life (or workouts...) but in admitting that I do not have the power to change or complete life on my own.  This surrender allows me to create and exist in a new or different reality-- the reality I have fought against-- the one that really exists.  Surrender can really be positive.

Neal A Maxwell said, (I miss that guy...)

Consecration [giving yourself to God] is the only surrender which is also a victory. It brings release from the raucous, overpopulated cell block of selfishness and emancipation from the dark prison of pride. (emphasis added)

Thank you, little one, for your reminder today.  Sweet Surrender is what I can give.

Empty Calories and Empty Days

photo credit: Javier Aroche via photopin cc

Junk food.  Admit it... You know you have it in the house, just like I do.  The stash of leftover candy you hide from the kids, to be enjoyed in the seclusion of your locked bedroom.  The greasy onion rings that call to you with their siren song, begging you to indulge.  You and I both know they are BAD FOR YOUR BODY!  We call them empty calories.  They are devoid of nutrition, health benefits and general goodness.    But we indulge nonetheless.  I can even go a whole morning (mid-day and sometimes even all day) without putting one healthy thing in my mouth!

I've been thinking my daily habits are a little like junk food munching.  I can be busy all day long and not put one really GOOD thing in my mind.  I feed my family, but not my soul.  I escape from my hectic world and retreat into my favorite tv or novel worlds.  And I still feel empty...  I have not given my mind and spirit what they need.  Real Nourishment!

Just food for thought today...  What do you do to nourish your mind and spirit?

Accepting What I Can Change-- My Power TO LOVE

Today I need a little therapy.  Life feels crazy, busy, stressful and my attitude is taking a nose dive.  So here is my confession...

"Hi, My name is Erica.  I am a control freak!"

Right now my kids are laughing hysterically.  Mom a control freak?  I NEVER KNEW!!!  (note their sarcasm)  Somehow I have convinced myself that if I work hard enough at                    it will                (fill in the blanks).   Somehow I think that results will be in proportion to the effort I make.

If I quiz my kids enough in spelling, they will become spelling champions, or at least not fail the test.  If I cook for hours to make a dinner, my family will show appreciation.  If I exercise my body hard enough and eat perfectly, I will look like Reese Witherspoon.

Reality check.  I can only control my actions and not how anybody (including my own BODY) responds to them.  I can control how I care for my children, not the skills they develop.  I can control how I cook for my family, not what they will eat.  I can only control how I care for my body, not how my body responds to that care.

I can do pushups and tricep dips all day long, but I can not compel my arms to be as toned as Michelle Obama's.  I can do 1000 crunches a day, but I can not force my stretched stomach skin to disappear.  I can live off 1200 calories a day, but I can not make my fingers longer and more slender.

Maybe my problem is judging, labeling and condemning myself and others-- Believing that it/they/I  SHOULD change.  Believing that I am powerful enough to change EVERYTHING through my effort.    Sounds like PRIDE.

And Pride's antithesis?  LOVE.  Not just any love... As a brilliant friend would say,

Love*without fine print

photo credit: Miriam Cardoso de Souza via photopin cc

Reality Check #2 ...
I can control how I LOVE my children, AND LOVE them with skills they develop or don't develop.  I can show my LOVE for my family by cooking, and LOVE them whether they eat or not.  I can only LOVE body.

I can LOVE pushups and tricep dips all day long, and love strength to do work with my arms.  I can LOVE my 1000 crunches a day, and LOVE the evidence of carrying 4 babes in utero.  I can LOVE my 1200 calories a day, AND LOVE the genetic heritage of short hands.
 
I can LOVE!

Take a Flying Leap

I'm not really a magazine reader-- except in doctor's offices.  Why? Once I got a subscription to a favorite magazine.  Shortly there after my kids got crazy sick and we spent TOO much time in a doctor's office and the hospital.  I was so disheartened that I had already read the magazines available.  So now I limit my magazine reading to the orthodontist/doctor/dentist's offices.  That said, my girlfriend sent me home one day with a recent "O," Oprah's magazine, because it had an awesome green drink recipe in it (and here is the link to that recipe-- I knew you'd ask).  I read the recipe, flipped the page and saw this article.  It impressed me and I had to share.

Martha Beck wrote the article "Take a Flying Leap" where she discussed fear based decisions.  The decision to eat veggies to avoid cancer; to keep a weed free yard so our neighbors won't complain; to throw a huge party for a child so they will like us and think we are awesome; put make-up on so we won't scare the ladies at church with our wrinkles.  You know all those things we do becasue we are afraid of rejection, failure, poverty, or looking stupid.  Have you ever wondered why you never feel joyous and free and extatic about those decisions?  Martha explains,

"Fear based decisions lead to hollow victories at best and endless regret at worst.  Only love based decisions create lasting happiness." [emphesis added]

Beck explains that love based decisions are the choices you would make if you had no fear; people wouldn't laugh at you, kids wouldn't complain; husband would applaud; you would celebrate.

That got me thinking.  What would I do differently if I didn't factor in the judgments of others?  Would I eat chocolate everyday and not worry about my waistline?  Would I grind wheat and make homemade bread if I knew my kids wouldn't complain?  What would my life be like if I lived in love instead of fear?
How would your life change?

Martha Beck envisioned a change and leaped.  She bought a house in California's mountains and flies where she needs for her work.  She took a leap of faith and made a choice despite her fears.  Beck says, "leaps of faith are frightening even when the choice to make them is based on love."

My ahahh moment?  If I feed and nourish my body becasue I love and cherish it, I feel better!  I see more success.  Beck explained,

"love based decisions have one more quality their fear based counterparts lack: They are enduring."

 If I'm looking to change my life-- create a real lifestyle change, it will only come with love.  So go on.  Do your hair and make up because you love the way you look.  Eat healthfully becasue your body is a treasured posession.  Give up weeding if you just don't care.  Live your life with love--

Take A Leap!

Photo Credit: . : : v i S H a l : : . via photopin cc

You can find Martha Beck's book Finding Your Way in A New World here.
Martha Beck's article "Take a Flying Leap" was featured in O The Oprah Magazine, January 2013; pp43-49

To Resolve or Not To Resolve....

Are you full of resolutions?  Great ideas to keep yourself motivated?  I reviewed 2012 and looked at all the things I had begun and not finished and realized: dang, I fail more than I succeed!

• January 2012:  I made a goal to complete an Olympic distance Triathlon, a couple sprint Triathlons and finish the Tough Mudder, but injury stalled my racing glory!!!!(separated shoulder, sprained both ankles (multiple times),  uncontrolled asthma in spring, summer, and fall  YUCK!)

• August 2012:  I made a goal to have a six-pack for Christmas-- I found this awesome article about building super strong muscles...(I lost an inch around the waist.)

• October 2012:   I made a goal to not gain weight over the holidays [Halloween through New Years] (I only gained 2 lbs.) 

• December 2012:  I made a goal to post every day for Christmas No-Break.  I posted 3 or 4 times.... Not ideal... but I did workout 5 days a week.

In a sheepish tone I remind myself that

"Success is falling nine times and getting back up ten."

This year I resolve to fail... and fail with glory by getting back up each time.  I'm going to attempt a couple sprint and Olympic Triathlons, get that 6-pack and pledge to write 3 times a week.

This year : No matter how hard I fail -- or FALL-- I'll  keep trying.

Do you have any awesome resolutions?

Feeding your Inner Child

Have you ever thought about you inner child.  That voice that screams, "This is not fair! Throw a fit!  Then you will get your way!"  Or complains, "But I WANT it!"  Or insists that it wants, "just one more bite."

My children are very open about what they what and when they want it.  Left to their own devices, I fear what would happen.  Scenes of explosions (not the emotional type), riotous living, partying, house trashed and complete sweet indulgence dance like sugar plum fairies in this mom's nightmare.

Fortunately moms and dads, grandmas and grandpas are around to help reign in the little terrors ANGELS.  But who parents the inner child of an adult?

I have recently found myself trapped in the "I am an adult, I can have another piece of cake if I want to" trap.  This insidious trap convinces me that as soon as the kids go to bed, I can indulge in something sweet or some mind-numbing tv because I deserve it!   You know the line....

"I've had a long day.  I have worked hard.  All children remained unscathed today and they all got to their lessons.  It's ME time!"  

And by the end of the evening I have eaten an entire carton of ice cream when I only intended to eat a single (or maybe double) scoop.

Would I ever let my child eat that way?  NEVER!  So why do I give in to my inner child's demands?  (A shrink might say it is because I was disciplined by a parent while growing up and never learned to self regulate and choose healthy habits on my own....)

Maybe for today, I'll eat like I would want my kids to. (Veggies FIRST!  No you may not have cookies & cocoa for breakfast!!!!)