"Hi, My name is Erica. I am a control freak!"
Right now my kids are laughing hysterically. Mom a control freak? I NEVER KNEW!!! (note their sarcasm) Somehow I have convinced myself that if I work hard enough at it will (fill in the blanks). Somehow I think that results will be in proportion to the effort I make.
If I quiz my kids enough in spelling, they will become spelling champions, or at least not fail the test. If I cook for hours to make a dinner, my family will show appreciation. If I exercise my body hard enough and eat perfectly, I will look like Reese Witherspoon.
Reality check. I can only control my actions and not how anybody (including my own BODY) responds to them. I can control how I care for my children, not the skills they develop. I can control how I cook for my family, not what they will eat. I can only control how I care for my body, not how my body responds to that care.
I can do pushups and tricep dips all day long, but I can not compel my arms to be as toned as Michelle Obama's. I can do 1000 crunches a day, but I can not force my stretched stomach skin to disappear. I can live off 1200 calories a day, but I can not make my fingers longer and more slender.
Maybe my problem is judging, labeling and condemning myself and others-- Believing that it/they/I SHOULD change. Believing that I am powerful enough to change EVERYTHING through my effort. Sounds like PRIDE.
And Pride's antithesis? LOVE. Not just any love... As a brilliant friend would say,
Love*without fine print
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| photo credit: Miriam Cardoso de Souza via photopin cc |
Reality Check #2 ...
I can control how I LOVE my children, AND LOVE them with skills they develop or don't develop. I can show my LOVE for my family by cooking, and LOVE them whether they eat or not. I can only LOVE body.
I can LOVE pushups and tricep dips all day long, and love strength to do work with my arms. I can LOVE my 1000 crunches a day, and LOVE the evidence of carrying 4 babes in utero. I can LOVE my 1200 calories a day, AND LOVE the genetic heritage of short hands.
I can LOVE!
You can do this! But I wouldn't try to love having short hands. I'd feel contorted and fake if I started out by trying to love things that, in reality, make me crazy. But I CAN love the good parts - I love that my hands type and comb hair and hug... And I love that my belly stretched out enough to bring babies into the world enough that the looks of it isn't that big of a deal. Do I have to love the flab? No, but I love the body. And love you!
ReplyDeleteAnita.. I do love what my hands can do too. I will never be a hand model though and never really be able to reach octaves on the piano. I guess what I was trying to say was that there is nothing really of substance to hate about my body. I'll just be focusing on the positive today. (BTW I had no idea that I could do squat burpees for an entire minute without stopping, but my body did that today!!!)
ReplyDeleteI sure love you too. I'm glad you're with me on this journey!